Category: Stories

All stories, no padding!

Hello

I’ve gotten many messages from readers who miss my characters. If you’ve sent one, or even just thought of sending one, thank you. I love knowing that my writing has touched people in some way.

The messages often ask if I’m still writing new stories. The short answer is yes. But the long answer is more complicated, so rather than trying to type it out individually a dozen or more times (a task that takes so much mental energy I’ve already put off responding to anyone for much longer than I should), I wanted to post it here.

You see, years ago when I first started this blog, I wasn’t in a great place in my life. In fact, I was probably in the worst place I’d ever been in. I hated my job, I couldn’t figure out what was going on with my health (both physical and mental), and I had no social life to speak of. My days were empty, and I filled that emptiness with writing. Writing—creating—gave me joy when nothing else was there. Talking to friends I made through writing, and getting feedback on my writing, gave me even more joy.

Then everything got worse, and writing wasn’t enough anymore. I had to take some action.

I took a lot of action, actually. I found a therapist, found a proper doctor, got diagnosed, got medicated, started volunteering, took some classes, reconnected with old friends, spent more time with family, began the journey out of disordered eating and hating my body, earned a certification, got promoted, joined a support group, moved, and am now planning my future with more clarity than I’ve ever had. But all of these things take time and energy. And I still have bad days, and those take away my time and energy too.

Writing, as you might imagine if you’ve never done it, is not exactly a quick, relaxing hobby. So my writing has slowed down as my life has filled up with other things. It hasn’t stopped, but it has slowed a lot. I don’t regret it, because I’m a lot happier than I was when I could post more.

I appreciate the messages greatly, and I try not to take the questions about when I will post again as pressure to return to my old life, because I know that’s not how they’re meant. It’s my own brain telling me that.

Anyway, thanks for sticking around, if you’re still here. I’m still here too.

A Minor Key

Hello dear readers! I hope you’re all safe and well. Here’s a small diversion for you. Takes place shortly after Midnight Kisses. 😊

Quint

For the first time in his life, Quint was considering faking illness to get out of work.

But no, that wouldn’t be right. Not on New Year’s Day, when the hospital was already short-staffed. The fact that he’d volunteered to cover the holiday before he’d known Theo was finally going to coax, charm, and sing his way into his heart the night before didn’t mean he could shirk his responsibilities.

Continue reading “A Minor Key”

Just Know You’re Not Alone

Hello again. I’m posting a couple little ficlets I’ve managed to finish in the past few months. Yes, I’m still working on Disney. And several other stories. My muse. She’s so flighty. *sigh*

Anyway, this one is a flashback to Hawaii, shortly after they moved there.

A hand touched Seb’s shoulder, and the bed beneath him swayed. He cracked his eyes open a millimeter before rubbing his fist over them in an attempt to drive away the disorientation. Yes, the bed was moving. It was also too small and much too exposed to a chilly Hawaiian morning breeze. This, his sleepy brain decided, was a problem for later.

Then Zain sat on his feet.

Continue reading “Just Know You’re Not Alone”

At Home

Well hello. Long time, no see. I’m happy to say I’m on new medication that is working very well, and I’m back in my groove. Thank you so much to you all for your words of encouragement (which I will reply to, I swear) and for sticking around. Hope you enjoy this story, which takes place after The Disney Diaries. Yeah, here I go again, not writing chronologically. But this contains no spoilers, and finishing Disney will be my next focus.

“Babe, next time we move, please label the boxes in English,” Zain called from the living room. “I don’t know what ‘Serviettes’ means!”

I set a box marked Vaisselle on the counter as I called back, “It means ‘towels.’”

His footsteps tramped upstairs. A few seconds later, Theo appeared in the kitchen doorway with the microwave. “Where do you want this?”

“Um…” I looked around. All the surfaces were covered with boxes to unpack. We really needed more counter space in here. Maybe an island, if it didn’t impede the flow too much. “Uh, on the floor, I guess, for n–”

“SÉBASTIEN LEON MCKENNA CREWS!” Zain bellowed from above.

Continue reading “At Home”

The Disney Diaries Part Two: The Triad Arrives

I was waiting until I got a bit farther in this one before posting the next part, but since that seems to be taking forever, here it is now. Thank you to everyone who has reached out and shared their well-wishes. I’m doing better right now.

Bradley

Justine’s family lived in a big, brick house surrounded by manicured bushes. The neighborhood looked like the kind of place where kids would flock on Halloween for the best candy. The kind of place where the kids who used to call me “trailer trash” grew up.

I parked Brian’s car in their driveway. He unbuckled his seatbelt. “Coming?”

Continue reading “The Disney Diaries Part Two: The Triad Arrives”

Scenes from Solshine Farm #1: When Zain First Saw Seb’s Art

Still working on the other two stories. It’s been slow going due to some health issues, but I promise I have not abandoned anything. This one is part of a series of short scenes showing Seb and Zain as teenagers. I’m going to try to post a new scene once a week.

Seb was watching from his window for what felt like hours. Where were they? Had Zain’s parents done something to stop him from leaving? He never talked about them in anything but loving terms, yet if they were really homophobic, they could’ve…. Seb tried not to think about it. He paced in his room.

Continue reading “Scenes from Solshine Farm #1: When Zain First Saw Seb’s Art”

We Are All Crew

Thank you to my dear friend JL for inspiring this one by asking how Seb celebrates Earth Day. The title is from one of my favorite quotes: “There are no passengers on spaceship earth. We are all crew.” – Marshall McLuhan

He could tell from a distance when it happened. Far off along the shoreline, Seb stood braced against the wind under the clear blue sky. His feet were wide apart, his shoulders thrown back, one of his green-gloved hands clutching his steel stick as if it were a harpoon, and the trash bag dangling from his other fist like a victorious hunter’s prized kill. (Of course, Zain didn’t intend to share that comparison. Seb would hate it.) From where Zain was, he couldn’t make out his facial expression, but he just knew Seb was glaring gloriously. Not at the ocean. At the island, with all its inhabitants and tourists.

Continue reading “We Are All Crew”

The Insomnia Fix

Of all our rules, the ones about my sleep habits have probably evolved and changed the most. Not that good sleep hasn’t always been important to Quint, because hoo-boy, it has. He is fanatical. But over the years, we’ve both learned what works better when my middle-of-the-night bouts of insomnia strike. Plus the bouts themselves have gotten less frequent since I transitioned off taking medication for my ADHD.

One thing has stayed the same pretty much from the start, though: I’m supposed to wake him up if I can’t fall back asleep after ten minutes.

Continue reading “The Insomnia Fix”

How You Shine On Me

Takes place in September of 2013. Title is from the song Dance With Me by Phillip Phillips.

Zain sat on the roof shingles and looked out over the ocean. Moonlight was reflecting off the water in a million tiny droplets of silver. He studied them, then Seb lying beside him. No, he decided. Seb’s eyes were still more stunning.

Today hadn’t been anything special. Just their routine, ordinary lives in paradise. Didn’t that make it an even better time to ask?

He smiled. “Babe?”

Continue reading “How You Shine On Me”

Chart a New Course

The want nearly had a physical sensation, like an itch somewhere beneath the surface of my skin. Like something was missing. Like thirst. It rose from the soles of my feet and enveloped my whole body in a desperate craving for touch, but it was strongest between my… well, there. Yeah, I got boners too, but when the want came, jerking off didn’t satisfy it. That was the scary part. And it kept getting stronger and more frequent.

Continue reading “Chart a New Course”

#GBBO

“No! Noooo!! Why are you doing that?! Oh, mes dieux, you sot!”

Theo followed the racket to the living room and stared from behind the couch as Seb threw up his hands in disgust and muttered more French at the television. On the screen, someone was pouring a white powder into a KitchenAid stand mixer as upbeat music played. The camera cut to another angle, and a woman who resembled Rachel Maddow shouted, “One hour left, bakers!”

Continue reading “#GBBO”

Lame Duck

Quint

Seb had his nose buried in a book all afternoon, from the time I came home from work until he staggered, zombie-like and still reading, to brush his teeth before bed. Its cover proclaimed it the winner of the 2016 Hugo Award, so I didn’t blame him. I did ask that he put it down during dinner. He complied, though he was in a book-trance for the entire meal. I doubt that he processed much of the conversation between Theo and I.

While he and Theo went to bed, I took Jagger out for his last walk of the night. It was perhaps fifteen minutes later that I returned to find Seb’s light shining from beneath his door.

Continue reading “Lame Duck”

Christmas Cookies

“OH MY GOD, would you please remove the stick from your ass and stop fucking ruining all the fun?”

Lyra looked up from painting her high chair with green frosting. Next to her in his own chair, Griffin froze, his expression almost as terrified as it had been when Quint turned on the hand-mixer. Both of them stared at the two men in the kitchen.

Continue reading “Christmas Cookies”

Time to Face The Music

I was the one who said it. I don’t know why. Like many things I regret saying, it came flying out of my mouth during a moment of frustration. Well, a whole week of frustration, really, but that was the pinnacle. When Quint told me to get ready for bed and I realized yet another day had passed with nothing to show for it.

Continue reading “Time to Face The Music”

The Disney Diaries – Part One: Marathon Weekend

I’ve decided to post this one in parts, because it will be so long overall. This part focuses on Quint/Theo and Seb/Zain, but the triad will be featured as well in the next part, so I’m tagging with all of them.

Zain

I sighed and jogged my knee up and down. Slouching in my chair, I stretched my foot out across the aisle until I could poke Seb’s shin with my toes. He looked up from his book, rolled his eyes, and went back to reading. Next to him, Quint was also peacefully absorbed in a book. A voice droned over the PA. Likely announcing the next flight to board. It wouldn’t be ours.

I sighed again.

Continue reading “The Disney Diaries – Part One: Marathon Weekend”

A Platt Family Thanksgiving

Rain pattered against the bus window in a slow tempo. The rivulets of water blurred my view of the town beyond the glass, but I could make out the wreaths decorating each lamppost. The same wreaths appeared on the same lampposts every year around Christmastime. In another few weeks, lights would be wrapped around the skeletal trees that lined the street. I missed the cheer they brought.

Continue reading “A Platt Family Thanksgiving”

Learning the Ropes

Takes place a couple of weeks after Anchors Aweigh (and I promise I will update the timeline page soon!)

Justine & Brian Group Text
Friday 19:04

Brian: Meeting rescheduled. Bradley, if you’re done with homework, I have time for a game of pool.

Bradley: Meet you there in five

Justine: Whip his ass for me

Brian: Which of us are you talking to?

Justine: Bradley. Obviously…

Justine: And if he does I’ll send him a special pic as a prize 

Bradley: I’ll try my best, my lady

Continue reading “Learning the Ropes”

When You Whistle Upon a Star

Note: Takes place at some point during their first year in Hawaii. (Probably in October?) Many thanks to JL for giving it a better title!

Looking up at the blanket of the universe overhead, I let out a sigh of pure contentment. Was there ever going to be a more perfect moment than this, laying on our roof with the sound of waves crashing against our seawall, a gentle ocean breeze blowing, and my boy snuggled up to my side, completely relaxed? I wanted it to last forever. Softly, I started to whistle When You Wish Upon a Star.

Seb smacked me. “Don’t!”

Continue reading “When You Whistle Upon a Star”

Just Between Us Squirrel Friends…

Seb

It was one of those days where I met Theo in Washington Square after my classes and sat on a bench sketching passersby while I watched him and Jagger perform until it was time to go home for dinner. I like the diversity of the people who filter through. They give me practice in all different styles and body types. Among the mélange that afternoon, one person stood out.

Continue reading “Just Between Us Squirrel Friends…”

Share Your Silence and Unpack Your Heart

Note: This is a flashback, taking place several months after Unmellow Yellow. Title is from a Phillip Phillips song.

“Honolulu Endocrinology, Sam speaking. How may I help you?”

“Hi. Um, I have an appointment later today, but I need to cancel it.”

“Name?”

“Seb McKenna Crews.”

Continue reading “Share Your Silence and Unpack Your Heart”

Anchors Aweigh

The necklace shimmered in the window display, the afternoon sun playing along the length of its gold chain. That wasn’t why it caught Bradley’s eye, though. It was the shape of the opal pendant. An anchor. He stopped on the sidewalk.

Justine liked anchors. She had a small tattoo of one low on her right abdomen, just above the crease of her thigh meeting her hip. He’d only seen it once, in a Snapchat video she’d sent. It started on her smiling face, before she panned the camera slowly down over miles and miles of bare skin, all the way to her glittery blue toenails. It didn’t matter that the app deleted the video after one view. He had it burned into his brain.

“Bradley?”

Continue reading “Anchors Aweigh”

The Adventure of Gift-Giving

It was going to be a perfect present. Even better than the portrait I commissioned from Seb last year, which trust me, wasn’t easy. Quint loved that thing from the moment I gave it to him, and he loves it more now, I think, because he’s grown to love Seb. But I thought of a way to top it eventually. I had to. It’s not every day that your husband turns fifty. I was so proud of my idea.

Then Quint ruined it.

Continue reading “The Adventure of Gift-Giving”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 17

Bradley

I hopped up, turning away from Mohyeldin to brush the tears out of my eyes. Behind me, Seb said, “Un moment, Z.”

Clearing my throat as I faced them again, I said, “No, now’s fine. Everyone’s waiting to watch your presentation, Seb.”

“Don’t say that,” Mohyeldin said, sounding amused but looking concerned, the way that used to get me spitting mad. I’ve learned to accept it now, so I let him see in my expression that I was okay. He shook his head and smiled. “You’ll undo all my good work making him relaxed.”

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 17”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 16

Seb

The house was painted a moss green, pale against the forest foliage surrounding it like a nest around an egg. Theo, beside me, took a deep breath. I glanced over. He was surveying it with a grim expression. Quint put his arm around his husband’s hips and pulled him closer, kissing his temple while Zain turned his head to track a noise through the trees. “That’ll be Cecilia with the keys,” Zain said.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 16”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 15

Zain

I left Seb strangling the plush unicorn and edged along the row of people to the aisle between the benches. By then, Cameron had spotted me. She smiled and sped up. Focusing on Platt, I tried to read his expression. About the same as when he’d left, I thought. All that time, and they’d made no progress?

“Hey,” I said. “Where’s Myrick?”

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 15”

S. trifasciata (or The Cure for a Black Thumb)

Note: This takes place about a month after the conclusion of Back to School, Ring the Bell, but contains no spoilers.

Seb wiggled to get out of my arms. Assuming he was embarrassed by being held for so long on the sidewalk, with other mids passing us by to start their own liberty, I hugged him tighter. I don’t like him worrying about what people think of us. Plus, it usually makes him squirm against me more, which is not unpleasant.

He huffed. “Z, I just need to get your gift from the car.”

“Gift?” I let go immediately. “What’d you bring me?”

Continue reading “S. trifasciata (or The Cure for a Black Thumb)”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 14

Zain

Friday simultaneously flew and crawled by. Every minute of it was filled with schoolwork, thanks to my classes and assignments. I didn’t want to have to crack a textbook all weekend, so I had to finish a couple of things early and make enough progress on others to be able not to worry about them. No Skype call took place that night, since Seb, Quint, and Theo were in the car on their way down already. I did call Seb on the phone just to hear his voice, though.

I also didn’t see Platt except for our PoliSci class and in the few minutes before meal formations. I was glad. A secretive smile kept coming over my face, so often that JJ asked, “Why do you look like the cat who got the cream?” I didn’t want the kid to be suspicious. His reply to my emailed invite—the last piece of the puzzle—was an unwitting, Sure, see you tomorrow.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 14”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 13

Zain

I hung up with Seb and Quint just as JJ was coming through the door from the Spectrum meeting. He climbed onto his rack with a long, drawn-out moan. “My life has gotten way too interesting since I met you,” he said. “Myrick wanted to go after Platypus the moment you left. I almost had to physically block him while I convinced him to give the kid some space. I didn’t see exactly what happened between you three, but it seemed like it wasn’t good.”

Linking my hands together on top of my head, I considered that. Five minutes earlier, I would’ve agreed. Now, with Seb’s reassurance Platt was at least a little open to the idea of polyamory, I’d revised my opinion. “I think it was a step in the right direction,” I said.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 13”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 12

Zain

Platt showed up at my door on Wednesday night five minutes before Spectrum. Given that we had to walk to Chauvenet Hall for the meeting still, that was practically late. I didn’t mention it, though. I was glad he’d come at all.

He stood staring blank-faced at the window while JJ finished tying his shoe. I’d seen that look before. It was the does-not-compute one he got when he was doing his absolute best job at blocking out anything beyond his own head. Trying to shake him free of it, I asked, “How was the pool lesson after I left last night?” I’d decided to raise the training wheels a bit and let him and Myrick talk alone.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 12”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 11

Zain

I went to get a snack from Drydock, mostly to distract myself from wanting to call Seb again. I had to let him work this out with Quint and Theo, hard as it was when I knew he was feeling miserable and might be headed into a diabetes rollercoaster. My poor boy just couldn’t catch a break. I was glad, though, that we’d already been working on improving his morale. He was much better positioned to deal with it today than he would’ve been a few weeks back.

As I carried the bag of chips I’d bought out of Dahlgren Hall, I heard a shout. “Mohyeldin! I need to talk to you.”

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 11”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 10

Seb

The Botanic Gardens were an oasis of calm and green, growing things. Songbirds flew among the trees while rabbits hopped in the rosebeds. I lay on soft grass with my head close to Quint’s and Theo’s, listening to them point out clouds that looked like bicycles and guitars, and I breathed deep. I didn’t even notice how much time was passing until Zain’s phone call.

When I came back to them from the bench where I’d moved during the call, Quint sat up. “Everything alright, mon chaton?”

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 10”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 9

Zain

Platt showed up at my door after dinner on Friday. It was propped open, and he hovered in the passageway just on outside the room, looking between me and JJ, who was reading something on his computer. I waved the kid in from my rack. “Sup, Platypus?” Pointing to the chair at the desk below the rack, I said, “Sit.”

He did. JJ grinned over his shoulder and said, “Yo.”

“Hi,” Platt said, before craning his head to look up at me. “I wanted to talk to you about the… the meeting we discussed attending.”

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 9”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 8

Seb

After Quint brought me to my room and pulled back the covers so I could climb into bed with a newly-reheated butt, he let me check my phone. Two emails had come in, one each from Bradley and Zain. I opened Bradley’s first.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 8”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 7

Zain

I stuck my hand in the cubby by my head, pulled out my phone, and answered it on the second buzz, but even so, JJ groaned from his own rack. He’s not at his best when he gets woken up in the middle of the night. Ignoring him, I asked Quint, “‘S’goin’ on?”

“Seb is alright,” he said, “and I’m sorry for disturbing you so late, however, I felt this was potentially urgent.”

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 7”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 6

Seb

Theo was at the table eating a bowl of cereal when I came out the morning after that disastrous first day of classes. He smiled and said, “Hey. Sorry about yesterday.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I let slip that you didn’t get enough sleep.”

“Nah, I really needed that early bedtime.” Ruefully, he added, “Although that didn’t stop me from throwing a tantrum about it after you left. Wound up sleeping on my stomach.”

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 6”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 5

Sorry today’s chapter is so short. The next one is extra-long to make up for it. Also, I wanted to let you all know I’m going to Disney World at the end of April to research an upcoming story! Be sure you’re following me on Twitter (@zillahwrites) for sneak peeks of that, plus lots of other fun stuff. I might even run a poll or two about what I should write next. 😀

Edit: Apparently WordPress doesn’t know the clock shifted. Sorry for the late post, everyone!

Zain

Working out the details of the plan with Quint was a great distraction from wondering too much about what Platt had emailed Seb. If the kid wasn’t mad, I could let it lie for now.

The other Top and I wrote back and forth a few times that night. I’d been worried he’d disapprove of what I had in mind, but he said, Yes, I do see the value in that, and even suggested some great ideas himself. My Brat was in good hands.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 5”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 4

Seb

The door below opened with a squeak of unused hinges. A sliver of light from the hallway cut across the dull gray wall, widening and then shrinking again as the door swung shut. Quint’s footsteps echoed through the stairwell. He climbed the first half-flight, stopped on the landing, and looked up at me sitting above him.

I had a flash of when he’d gotten me down from the tree in the park, back when we barely knew each other. Calm expectation filled his face, the same as then.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 4”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 3

Zain

My idea of going to Myrick had to be put on hold temporarily, thanks to mandatory company meetings, drills, meal formations, and, of course, classes. Not being a plebe gave me more free time, but not that much. I barely even saw JJ.

And then part two of my plan—letting Platt have his space until Seb reported back—went out the window in my second-to-last class of the day, when I walked into the room and saw the back of his platinum blond head shining like a beacon. I should’ve expected it, really, now that we were both polisci majors.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 3”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 2

A quick announcement before today’s chapter: I created a Twitter profile, @zillahwrites, to share when a new blog post is live, as well as writing articles I find interesting and behind-the-scenes stuff. I’d love if you followed me. ?

Also, I’m so excited because a story I’ve been co-writing with Dizzy for months is finally finished! It’s a crossover with her wonderful Teardrop Lake Resort Seminar Series, and you can read it here. (Just a note, there are major spoilers for Of Churros and Anger Management.)

Seb

“Aren’t you supposed to be the one who comes up with the brilliant plans, Z?” I asked, frowning.

He slouched in his desk chair and crossed his arms over his chest with a heavy sigh. “Yeeeesss, I am, and it’s soooooo frustrating. That kid foils the every single strategy I’ve got. Put him in charge of fighting ISIS. They’d give up within a day, I swear.”

I rolled my eyes. “Stop sulking. You can’t get your way with everything.”

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 2”

Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 1

I’m doing something a little unusual (for me) with this story. I decided to post it in chapters. If you’re the kind that doesn’t like to start WIPs for fear they won’t be finished, don’t worry. I have about forty-nine thousand words of this baby down and am putting all my focus on it until it’s done. I just don’t want to make my readers wait that long for another story. Also, comments and feedback are truly great motivation for me to buckle down and write already. ?

Each chapter is scheduled to post at 3pm (New York time) on Sundays, so you can check back weekly for the next part. Or if you want, you can subscribe in the sidebar and get notifications for all my posts.

We pick up shortly after Of Churros and Anger Management. Enjoy!

Zain

The flight that would bring me back to Annapolis from my last summer training block took off at a tiny regional airport. Four other people sat in the only terminal with me, all of us comfortably absorbed in our phones. One guy was bobbing his head along with music from his earbuds. As for myself, I spent the time catching up on my email.

Continue reading “Back to School, Ring the Bell – Ch. 1”

Rub-a-Dub-Dub (Two Guys in a Tub)

Note: Takes place between You Are the Moon That Pulls Me Through the Night and The Rousing Effects of Coffee.

Zain had brought it out after dinner and set it on the coffee table in front of Seb. It was covered in pink wrapping paper with red doodles of hearts being pierced by arrows. A black ribbon tied around it held the tag in place on top. LUSH, the tag read, and SEXY FUN TIMES over another heart. Seb took one look and said, “But I didn’t get you anything!”

“You made dinner,” Zain said. “Also, this is a gift for both of us, and also also, your birthday is in four days, so consider this your pre-birthday present, and finally also, quit arguing and open it because I’m really excited to use it.” He was practically bouncing.

Continue reading “Rub-a-Dub-Dub (Two Guys in a Tub)”

Questions 2

You can read my first Questions post here. I promise I’m also working on an actual story, too. It’s a long one, so it’s taking me time

Also, an important announcement: For the past year, I’ve had a site redirect set up so if someone clicked on a link to my old site (zillahsreadingcorner.wordpress.com) it would automatically bring them to my new site (zillahsreadingcorner.com). As of February 1st, that will no longer happen, so if you have any old links or bookmarks, please, please update them. Thanks!

Continue reading “Questions 2”

Midnight Kisses

Note: This story wraps around the flashback section of First Christmas Eve. I recommend having that one open in another tab to read right after Theo agrees to buy gloves in this one. And yes, I know things would be so much easier if I wrote in any sort of chronological order. 

November 2006 — Two weeks before Thanksgiving

“Are you certain this invitation wasn’t meant to be politely declined?” Quint asked, quietly, so as not to be overheard by their young hostess, who had taken the bottle of pinot noir to the kitchen to chill. “They are your friends, and there was no need for me to come along simply because I’m staying with you.”

Continue reading “Midnight Kisses”

Merry and Bright

I gawked. On either side of me, Mom and Quint gawked, too, only they did it more subtly.

The house—mansion, really—in front of us looked like there had been an explosion in a warehouse full of the most gaudy outdoor Christmas decorations you can imagine, and all the debris had gotten plastered to it.

Well, perhaps some of it would’ve looked nice by itself, but thrown together as it was in a hodgepodge of lights, wire-frame reindeer, snowflakes, shooting stars, nutcrackers, and one very creepy, glaring Santa head with his mouth agape….

Continue reading “Merry and Bright”

Calling the Shots

I should have been more suspicious. Every other year, I got my flu vaccination in the clinic near our apartment. I go in, get sprayed in the nose, and walk out ten minutes later. So why, this year, did Quint wait until I came to the hospital with him to volunteer as Jagger’s handler, and then suggest we take care of it before I started for the day? Why did he pass Jagger off to a group of doctors and nurses—all very eager to pet him—and bring me into his office alone?

Continue reading “Calling the Shots”

🍌 Monkey Business 🙈

Set between Trouble in Paradise and Playing the Birthday Blues

Theo trudged into the great room early one morning near the end of their Hawaiian vacation. Early enough that Zain and Quint had yet to return from their run, amazingly. He found Seb perched on a bar stool in a full lotus pose with his sketchbook open in front of him.

“Mornin’,” Theo mumbled, going around the younger Brat to the coffee pot.

“Hi,” Seb replied, absentminded, as he continued to sketch.

Continue reading “🍌 Monkey Business 🙈”

Of Churros and Anger Management

Theo

Reaching the top of the hill at last, I stopped to squint through branches and leaves at the buildings barely visible on the edges of the park. “Okay,” I said. “That’s the West Side, so we’re definitely going in the right direction.”

Seb came up the dirt path behind me, wiping sweat off his forehead with his t-shirt collar. He let it drop and gave me a tentative look. “Are you sure? Because we… we just passed that tree again.”

Continue reading “Of Churros and Anger Management”

Playing the Birthday Blues

It had been a good birthday. But then, why did I need to convince myself of that?

From breakfast this morning—waffles that Quint got up early to make specially, even though he needed to leave for work as soon as he was done and couldn’t enjoy them himself—to the small dinner party that had just started winding down now, everything was great.

Sure, the party had a slightly lower turnout than last year: My mom, Zeggy, Ike, the twins, Seb, and of course, Quint. That just meant we could hold it in our apartment rather than Zeg’s house. And I still got plenty of birthday wishes on Facebook. It wasn’t the number of people that bothered me.

Continue reading “Playing the Birthday Blues”

Trouble in Paradise

Theo

“Theo! Quint! Over here!”

Quint spotted them first, of course. Being tall gives him an unfair advantage at things like that. It wasn’t hard for me to catch sight of them after he pointed in the right direction, though. Zain was bouncing up and down, and the colorful strands of flowers in Seb’s hand were very eye-catching. We navigated ourselves and our suitcases through the crowd of disembarking tourists to where the younger couple stood near the wall.

Continue reading “Trouble in Paradise”

Driven From Distraction

Note: Takes place about a week after Pride and Panic, when Seb and Zain have gone to Hawaii for leave. More-than-usually NSFW.

Trembles ran through my legs and arms. Carefully, I turned off the water pouring over my head and stepped out of the shower, into the chilly bathroom. A quietness filled it, broken only by drips falling off me to the floor, like icicles melting. I shivered. Merde, what have I done?

My drying-off was perfunctory at best. Rivulets of water still ran from my hair down my neck and bare torso as I wrapped the towel around my waist. Then I padded out to find Zain.

Continue reading “Driven From Distraction”

Pride and Panic

Quint

The morning of the Pride march, I sat Theo and Seb down on the couch and stood in front of them. “Before we leave,” I said, “I’d like to go over ground rules, the first being that you will both stay with me at all times.”

Seb looked up with a wide-eyed seriousness that contrasted against the cheerful rainbow paint splatters of his shirt, while Theo stopped scratching Jagger’s ears, sat back into the cushions, and sighed heavily.

Continue reading “Pride and Panic”

You Can Quote Me On That

Note: Takes place between Wash & Fold and Graduation Day.

My pencil scratched across the yellow legal pad mutinously, with dark, heavy strokes. Apart from the scratches, the only sound to be heard was Quint occasionally turning a page of his book or Jagger sighing in his sleep. Both of them looked perfectly peaceful over on the couch. Quint was pretending not to notice the attitude of my pencil.

Continue reading “You Can Quote Me On That”

Holding Pattern

Note: I’ve also added the emails Platt and Seb sent after Plebes No More as a comment to that story.

“Seb? Theo said you’ve been in here all day. How are you feeling?”

I look up at him with just my eyes. My head stays on my pillow, cheek mashed into it so it hides half my face. “Don’t know.”

Quint frowns and steps fully into the room. He sits on the edge of the bed. “No?”

Continue reading “Holding Pattern”

The Morning After

The aroma of freshly-ground coffee dragged Theo out of our bedroom at ten. I took a sip from the mug I had just filled, opened one of the files of papers spread across the dining table in front of me, and began cross-referencing to a spreadsheet I had pulled up on my laptop. “Good morning, angel. There are eggs in the fridge for your breakfast.”

He grunted. I watched him shuffle to the kitchen and pour himself coffee, but he made no move towards food.

Continue reading “The Morning After”

Plebes No More

Zain described Herndon as “a bunch of sweaty, shirtless sailors climbing a giant lubed-up phallic symbol.” I had to admit he had a point, even if it’d made Theo choke on his orange juice and Quint’s eyebrow go sky high.

That breakfast was over a week ago, during the few days of intersessional leave he got between final exams and Sea Trials. We left to drop him off at the bus back to Annapolis right after.

Continue reading “Plebes No More”

The Early Bird Special

Note: Takes place between Ceci n’est pas une Pipe and You Are the Moon That Pulls Me Through the Night.

Searching for Seb when I get home is a well-practiced ritual, yet sometimes it surprises even me where I find him. Or what I find him doing.

One day, a few months after the move to Hawaii, I walked up behind him in the back yard, frowning. Stacks and stacks of small, round paper cartons surrounded where he crouched at the edge of a raised plant bed that was mostly dirt. He was studying it intensely enough to not notice me. As I watched, he picked up one of the cartons from the top of a stack, removed the lid, carefully shook out more dirt on top of the other dirt, and then spread it ever so gently around. It kind of… wiggled.

Continue reading “The Early Bird Special”

Unmellow Yellow

Note: Takes place right after they first move to Hawaii.

Seb

My eyes were on Zain, not the house, as we pulled into the driveway. I’d sent him pictures, of course, but this was the first time he was seeing it in person. It fell on me to go house-hunting with my parents while he was deployed. I’d had only my gut instinct of his tastes to guide me.

He turned off the Jeep’s engine and sat back in his seat, taking in our new home. I couldn’t judge his expression.

Continue reading “Unmellow Yellow”

Doggy Yoga

Ever since Seb moved in, I kept hearing giggling coming from his room in the mornings. Not every day, but often enough to be kinda odd. However—and I don’t know if you’ve noticed this—I am not a Morning Person™, so I’d just hear it, think who finds anything funny this early? and fall asleep again, and when I was properly awake I’d forget about it.

Continue reading “Doggy Yoga”

Wash & Fold

Note: Takes place shortly after To Trust, Cherish, and Honor.

Well I thought it was a brilliant idea. Still do, actually, though I have a feeling that’s going to be changing as soon as Quint calls me out of the corner. I spin my ring around my finger, something I can’t seem to stop doing since I began wearing it a couple of weeks ago.

“Theodore, put your hands by your sides,” Quint says from somewhere behind me—sounds like the stove, maybe. “You’re meant to be thinking about what you did.”

Continue reading “Wash & Fold”

Les Chatons Roses

The pink kitten had lived on a bookcase at first, with bright paper cards propped up around it. The room’s occupant—its new owner—touched it most days during that period. He would move it first behind the cards so it was hidden from view, and then, a few minutes later, back in front of them. Study it. Fiddle with it again. Walk away, only to repeat the process the next day.

Continue reading “Les Chatons Roses”

For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow (And So Say All of Us)

I fed out slack on the rope, watching carefully as Platt pushed off one of the brightly-colored holds on the climbing wall about forty feet above me. He stretched his right hand up as far as he could. His toes barely gripped. I stayed light on my feet, prepared to jump if he fell—a technique called “dynamic belaying” that would give a softer catch and reduce the risk of injury. To my left, JJ was calling to Sullivan to clip into the wall before she went further up. I ignored them and stayed focused. Platt grunted, his fingers spread and flexing.

The new hold he was aiming for remained mere inches out of reach. If his audible huff hadn’t given away his frustration, the way he pounded the side of his fist against the wall would have.

Continue reading “For He’s a Jolly Good Fellow (And So Say All of Us)”

Contain Yourself, Quint

When I went to collect Seb’s bedding to be washed and found a pile of sketchbooks and other assorted papers scattered over it, I knew something needed to be done.

“Mon chaton? Come in here, please.”

He appeared in his doorway after several seconds, holding the microfiber cloth he was using to dust the living room. “Oui?”

Continue reading “Contain Yourself, Quint”

Roots and Sprouts

Zain

“I want to do all the cheesy touristy stuff, babe,” I told Seb as we followed Quint and Theo into the subway train car. “Times Square, Statue of Liberty, Empire State Building, all that.”

He looked askance at me. “Why?”

“Because it’ll be fun!” I said. “And it’s my first visit to the city where I’ll actually have time explore. C’mon, do it with me and I’ll go to that art museum Quint bought a membership for with you.”

Continue reading “Roots and Sprouts”

You Are the Moon That Pulls Me Through the Night

Note: Takes place between Ceci n’est pas une Pipe and The Rousing Effects of Coffee. Title is from a Phillip Phillips song (of course….) called Tell Me a Story.

The meter says I’m fine. I woke up in time, tested, ate the recommended amount of carbs to correct the low, and tested again. Everything textbook, just like the doctors want. Then why can’t I fall asleep now?

Continue reading “You Are the Moon That Pulls Me Through the Night”

A Dying Man’s Last Wish

Note: Takes place between The Rousing Effects of Coffee and When You Fall Like a Statue.

“Babe? …Baaaabbe? …BABE!”

“Zain, oh my gods, what now??” Seb asked, storming in from his studio with paint on his chin.

Zain sniffled. He tried to make it sound extra-pathetic. Then he nodded at the remote lying on the coffee table, three feet away. “Can you give me that, please?”

Seb blinked at him in disbelief.

“I’d do it myself,” explained Zain, “except I’m dying, so.”

Continue reading “A Dying Man’s Last Wish”

Scrabble: Brat Edition

Note: Takes place between Overtime and A Halloween Tale.

No, I did not get spanked, thank you very much. And I still think it was at least partly Quint’s fault. He knows us shopping together is just asking for trouble. But did that excuse me from going with him to pick out furnishings for the new apartment? Nope. Not even when I said it was going to be his office, so what did I care what it looked like? He told me we both lived there, and the shopping trip wouldn’t be a big production.

Ha.

Continue reading “Scrabble: Brat Edition”

Medical Alert

On the way out the door, Quint caught me by the shoulder. “Where’s your alert bracelet, mon chaton?”

I looked down at my bare wrist. “Oh, um, in my room.”

“Go get it, please. Hurry up.”

He clearly thought I’d just forgotten. Theo was already in the hallway, with Jagger sitting by his side wearing his special red harness. Trying to explain would only make us all late. I went back, retrieved the bracelet, and put it on as I rejoined them.

It felt like a shackle.

Continue reading “Medical Alert”

The Meet Cute

Note: Parts of this story take place when Seb and Zain are underage (14 and 15). It also mentions them having sex as teenagers, though it doesn’t show it.

Life follows a predictable schedule made up of morning yoga and meditation, attending classes, doing homework in studios or at the apartment, cooking dinner when it’s my turn and washing up after when it’s not, Skyping with Zain for as long as he can, spending evenings with Quint and Theo, and then coloring either a mandala or a page of one of my new books before bed.

Continue reading “The Meet Cute”

Two Celebrations and a Trajeudi

“Seb! Dinner!”

“I meant to go let him know dinner is ready, angel. I could have yelled across the apartment myself.”

I wished Theo had just come to get me as well. My head felt like an eggshell, and the chick inside was rapping its beak against my temples. Any second now, I’d crack.

Pulling my mind away from that unpleasant image, I said, “Be right there!” towards the kitchen, and then started putting my colored pencils in my desk.

That sounded odd. My desk. It was Quint’s desk, really, even if it had been weeks since he’d moved his things out of it and into a new one in the master bedroom.

Continue reading “Two Celebrations and a Trajeudi”

The Day of a Hundred Swats

Another one. And this time, Seb’s yelp was audible through the wall. Jagger lifted his head off my legs, cocked his ear in that direction, and whined.

“Shh, boy,” I said, reaching across the couch cushion to pet him. “It’s okay.”

He settled back down with a softer whine, clearly not quite convinced. He wasn’t the only one. I’d lost count of the number of swats I’d overheard since the first one woke me up. Somewhere around a dozen by now, I thought. Never in my life has Quint ever given me so many in one morning.

Continue reading “The Day of a Hundred Swats”

Re: Moving Day and Some Questions About Seb

Note: These are the emails Quint and Zain sent each other during And Love Dares You. They can be read on their own.

Dear Zain,

How is the return to your studies going? I confess, I’m not overly familiar with the way things work at a military academy. Do you have a major?

I’m afraid I’m writing to you with more purpose than to see how you’re settling back in at school. A dilemma arose today with Seb, and I need your opinion on it.

Continue reading “Re: Moving Day and Some Questions About Seb”

And Love Dares You

Note: This focuses far more on Platt and BDSM-type relationships than on Seb and Zain. The title is from “Under Pressure” by Queen and David Bowie.

With the start of a new semester came new classes, and I was happy to find out that Platt and I had been scheduled to the same PE section. The kid actually smiled when he saw me in the locker room, too.

Continue reading “And Love Dares You”

Winter Break

Zain

Sitting next to Seb on the floor of a crowded LAX airport terminal with our backs against a concrete block, I started singing under my breath. “Mele Kalikimaka is the thiiing to saaay on a briiight Hawaiian Christmas daaay–”

“Zain.”

“That’s the island greeting that we seeend to yoouu from the laaand where palm trees swaaaaay… What, babe?”

My voice wasn’t loud enough to draw any sort of attention, yet he was giving me one of his pained looks. “Christmas was yesterday, we didn’t celebrate it, and we aren’t in Hawaii.”

Continue reading “Winter Break”

Yuletide Treasure

Note: This is a story about the winter solstice (Yule, and the Yule log tradition in particular), which means it’s actually more of a New Year’s story than a Christmas-type story, so I waited until today to post. I hope you all have an amazing 2016!

“Mohyeldin.”

I looked up from packing my bag. Platt stood, almost at attention, in my doorway, waiting for my acknowledgement. “Hey!” I said. “Come aboard.”

He stepped into the room and thrust his hand at me. Or, to be more precise, the card envelope in his hand. “For you,” he said, gaze somewhere just above my head. “And Seb.”

Continue reading “Yuletide Treasure”

Saved By the Jingle Bells

“You can’t spank me, I’m Santa!”

Yes, okay, that sounded ridiculous. But the whole situation was ridiculous. We were only having fun! Isn’t that what Christmas is all about?

Most ridiculous of all was how serious Quint managed to look in an elf costume. “One,” he said, raising an eyebrow beneath the brim of his floppy felt hat.

Continue reading “Saved By the Jingle Bells”

The Trauma of Painting

Note: Title is shamelessly stolen from the title of the exhibition at the Guggenheim in NYC that inspired this. I highly recommend checking out its website, too. At least watch the super-short video here, because it makes the story make a lot more sense.

Horrible. Ugly, cumbersome, primitive, just merde. I should’ve taken a knife to it ages ago. Or a match. It would make a better bonfire than it did a painting, that was certain. I couldn’t turn it in as my final piece, but I had no time to make a new one. It was due in less than thirty-six hours, now. I stood in the middle of the studio, glaring at the canvas, as I tried to think how I might salvage it from my string of mistakes. ‘Happy accidents,’ my ass, Bob Ross.

Continue reading “The Trauma of Painting”

Bugging Out

Seb

After the rocky start, I enjoyed working with Theo on his angel. We came up with the basic idea to use medieval illustrations as the inspiration, but modernized to look more like him, with stubble, ruffled feathers, and halo just slightly off-kilter. Then I drew a few variations of it over Thanksgiving break for him to choose from. He picked one, and I spent the next week making designs for different applications. We planned to finish the project this weekend, before my finals started.

That was, if he ever looked at the drawings.

Continue reading “Bugging Out”

Something To Be Thankful For

Warning: Contains homophobia and rejection of a child, and mentions the possibility of child sexual abuse.

I never really experienced Thanksgiving before my fifteenth year. My family embraced many aspects of American culture, but somehow, that holiday got left by the wayside, reduced to a day home from school with a moderately-nicer dinner than we’d have usually. Maybe it was because all my aunts and uncles and cousins live in Egypt, or because there’s debate over whether observing it is even allowed for Muslims. Whatever it was, it seemed as if my parents were just going through the motions as part of their quest to make sure my siblings and I had American childhoods.

Continue reading “Something To Be Thankful For”

Dress Blues

Note: Takes place one year ago today, during the same period as College Bound.

I left my dress blues on, save the shoes, and stretched out across the duvet. It wasn’t the best choice for loungewear, but I got as comfortable as I could, yawning, while I listened to Seb brushing his teeth in the bathroom.

He glanced at me when he came out, before heading for the sliding glass door by the sitting area. Just as his fingers touched the handle, I hummed. The noise was barely audible, even to me, and only a fraction of a second long, yet he stopped instantly. I smiled. I knew he’d have no trouble interpreting that. It took a few more moments for him to look back, though. Rolling onto my side, I met his gaze and patted the mattress twice.

Seb bit his lip. He didn’t move.

Continue reading “Dress Blues”

When Life Leaves You High and Dry

This is a long one. It’s long enough to be called a novel, actually, but I prefer to think of it as a novel-length story. Like Plebe Summer, I’m hosting it in a separate PDF file. If you’re downloading using a mobile device, it is best viewed in something like the Kindle or iBooks apps. Some PDF viewers don’t support the navigation links.

When Life Leaves You High and Dry

-Zillah

The Rousing Effects of Coffee

Note: Written for National Coffee Day, which was yesterday.

I carried my coffee into Seb’s studio, taking sips from the mug as it cooled. My boy stood in front of the easel that held his latest work, a paintbrush hanging loosely from his fingers and bare toes poking out of the bottom of his frayed jeans. Smudges of color decorated his face: blue along his jawline, a dot of yellow on his right temple, gray over the freckles on his nose.

Continue reading “The Rousing Effects of Coffee”

Changing Horses Midstream

Warning: This is a very early story. Because Seb and Zain met as teenagers, the earliest parts of their relationship happened when they were both underage. In this one, Seb is 16 and Zain is 17. It contains disciplinary and sexual themes, but nothing explicit on either count.

Seb returned from his walk as dusk fell over Solshine Farm. The chickens were clucking and making their way back to the coop while the mother goats nuzzled their sleepy kids. He stopped at the pasture fence to say goodnight to them and enjoy a quiet moment as the breeze whispered and crickets chirped around him.

Then, through the peaceful air, Dax’s voice cried out, “Lucky shot! That was luck!”

Continue reading “Changing Horses Midstream”

Ceci n’est pas une Pipe

Note: Takes place a month after the move to Hawaii.

Zain doesn’t have the same relationship with his second language that I do with French. For one thing, it truly is a second language for him — he learned it after English, not simultaneously. His parents wanted their kids to fit in as much as possible, so they avoided speaking their mother tongue. After visiting relatives in Egypt when he was seven, Zain decided to study it on his own. Now, he’s fluent in both, but English is still his preferred vernacular. The major exceptions are ‘habibi,’ of course, and profanities. He says swearing in Arabic is just more fun.

Continue reading “Ceci n’est pas une Pipe”

Love Wins

Note: Takes place just before Plebe Summer. “Que s’est-il passé?” means “What happened?”

We had been packing for days now. The storage unit we’d rented was filled to capacity with the more valuable and fragile things, and the remaining boxes were piled in one corner of the living room, to be shipped to Santa Cruz tomorrow. The house was a tree in autumn, slowly shedding the leaves of our personal effects and becoming less ours as each one hit the ground.

Continue reading “Love Wins”

Graduation Day

Note: Takes place in the gap between To Trust, Cherish, and Honor and Overtime.

“Do I have this on backwards? I couldn’t figure out what side the zipper is supposed to go, and there’s no tag.”

Quint, who was standing at the bathroom sink shaving, looked over his shoulder and stopped with half his face still covered in white lather. He didn’t answer me.

Swiftly, I added, “I’m trying everything on to make sure I’m not missing pieces and won’t completely embarrass myself later. As soon as I’m done, it’ll go back into the garment bag, I swear.”

Continue reading “Graduation Day”

Slippahs

Note: In Hawaii, flip-flops are called “slippers” (or in Pidgin, “slippahs”). This was a response to a slippering challenge. Takes place between College Bound and Plebe Summer.

The other side of the bed was empty. Zain knew it before he fully awoke. He opened his eyes, sat up, and stretched, yawning hugely. Through the window, the gray, pre-dawn sky hung over the ocean, and silhouetted against both of them, the twisted limbs of Seb’s favorite climbing tree cradled his Brat.

Really, babe? he thought, amused. The sliding glass door onto the lanai wasn’t even closed all the way. At least give me a challenge.

Continue reading “Slippahs”

Mouse in the House

Note: Takes place in Hawaii, between When You Fall Like A Statue and Hard Choices.

My mom believed strongly that all her kids should be able to cook for themselves. We were her sous-chefs before we could talk, and even Dax can manage a good dinner if he bothers to try. For some things, though, I still need her to walk me through it.

“Now, this next bit is tricky, a leanbh,” she said from the phone. “Are you ready?”

Continue reading “Mouse in the House”

Buzzfeed

Note: Takes place at some point when they are together. Really silly. Just imagine them curled up in bed, and Seb’s kinda half-asleep while Zain plays with his phone. Then this happens. You can play along here.

“Oh oh! Babe, help me find out which Disney heroine I am with this Buzzfeed quiz!”

“Wha? Zain, for serious?”

“For super serious! Here, read out the questions and choices.”

Continue reading “Buzzfeed”

Let Your Heart Be Next To Mine

Note: This takes place in Hawaii, at some point between College Bound and Plebe Summer. The title is from the song Raging Fire, by Phillip Phillips. Also, very NSFW.

I came up from behind and wrapped my arms around him while he was rinsing off our supper dishes. He shot me a questioning look over his shoulder. Grinning, I slid my hand down, squeezed him gently through his jeans, and watched his fingers fumble on a cup.

“You’re going to make me break something,” he said, which was the most speech I’d gotten out of him since I came home.

Continue reading “Let Your Heart Be Next To Mine”

The Root of The Root

I heard it from the top of the staircase: that recording of the pleasant female voice all New Yorkers know so well. “This is a Brooklyn-bound F local train. The next stop is West 4th Street – Washington Square.”

“No no no!” I said, rushing headlong down to the platform, against the rising tide of commuters. I nearly tripped at the bottom, but righted myself just in time.

Continue reading “The Root of The Root”

Screen Time

I blame Apple’s obsession with making their devices so intuitive, with the automatic backups and whatnot. Trust me, there is such a thing as being too user-friendly.

See, awhile back, Quint decided we could do with less interaction with electronics, especially before bed. There were studies involved in this decision. The man reads too many studies, if you ask me. These all said something about sleep quality and circadian rhythms or something. I don’t remember the details of our discussion, but putting away the gadgets an hour ahead of bedtime seemed reasonable, so I didn’t put up a fuss.

Until it was time to actually, you know, put away the gadgets.

Continue reading “Screen Time”

First Christmas Eve

Don’t let anyone ever tell you Christmas in New York is magical. Sure, there’s the humongous tree with the televised lighting ceremony, and the department store windows that get more elaborately beautiful each year, and the Rockettes kicking away at Radio City, but you know what else there is?

Slush. Massive, unavoidable puddles of it.

Continue reading “First Christmas Eve”

A Halloween Tale

I can’t imagine any sadder place for a kid to be on Halloween than stuck in a hospital, can you? I think it’s almost worse than being there on Christmas. Family and presents can come to you in most cases, but Halloween is about wearing a costume and going out with your friends and eating tons of candy. Try doing any of that from a sickbed.

Quint’s hospital works to make it still a special day for their patients, though, which is where Jagger and I come in. Every year, we dress up and visit as many kids as possible in their rooms. We’re not the only therapy dog/handler team that does that, of course, but we’re the only ones who also put on shows in each of the playrooms for any kids well enough to attend. What kind of shows? Google “canine musical freestyle” and you’ll get a good idea. We don’t do it competitively, but we are good enough that the hospital’s development office asked us to perform at their Masquerade Ball fundraiser this year.

It was all going swimmingly, until…

Continue reading “A Halloween Tale”

Hard Choices

Today

“Babe?”

Seb froze, his pencil lead barely brushing the paper, listening to the footsteps cross the studio. A moment later, the side door opened and closed. He relaxed. Zain would look for him on the roof or up a tree first. Checking them all would keep him occupied for awhile — perhaps long enough for Seb to pull his thoughts together.

Continue reading “Hard Choices”

When You Fall Like a Statue

lanai: veranda (Hawaiian)
habibi: my beloved (Arabic)
désolé: sorry (French)

Zain whistled “The Bare Necessities” as he took the final curve before their driveway. If he timed it perfectly, the song would end just as the break in the trees cleared the view to the ocean, stretching out from the low cement wall and strip of rocky beach at the edge of their backyard. He smiled when he saw it. Couldn’t beat that view in Hawaii, especially at the price Seb’s parents charged them for rent. He turned into the driveway and parked his Jeep behind Seb’s Fiat, getting out almost before the engine died and heading directly for the side door, to the small “ohana unit” they’d converted into a studio. Knowing his fiancé, that was where he’d be.

Continue reading “When You Fall Like a Statue”

To Trust, Cherish, and Honor

Quint ambushed me. You can’t blame me for reacting defensively – that’s what you do when you’re ambushed. 

It was my last day of the semester, and my morning final had gone well. We had ice cream for dessert to celebrate, and I was actually in a good mood. Then, just as he started getting ready for bed, he said it.

Continue reading “To Trust, Cherish, and Honor”

Doggone Holidays

Note: Starts at Thanksgiving and ends at Christmas, so it wraps around Give Me The News, Rally Rage, and part of To Trust, Cherish, and Honor.

“Look, Uncle Theo, it’s Santa!” Lyra cried, bouncing up and down beside me with excitement as the last float of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade rolled into view on the TV screen.

“I see him,” I told her.

Tyler, Ike’s ten-year-old nephew, rolled his eyes from the recliner and said, “Santa’s not real.”

Lyra rolled her eyes back at him. “Well, duuuh,” she replied. “I know Santa’s make-believe.”

Continue reading “Doggone Holidays”

Rally Rage

We (or rather, Quint) turned down Ike and Zeggy’s invitation to dinner after the rally, and got home at about seven-thirty. Almost as soon as I took my shoes off, Quint said, “I want to discuss that incident.”

‘Discuss.’ Yeah, right.

“’You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means’,” I said acerbically, watching him hang up his coat.

“I mean ‘discuss’, Inigo. After that, we’ll see where we stand.”

Continue reading “Rally Rage”

Give Me the News

When Quint came home, I was sitting in front of the computer impatiently reloading Facebook again and again every few seconds. “I know,” I said, without looking at him, “I should be writing papers. But I need to see if they’ve voted yet.”

He walked over and leaned down, and I turned my head slightly so he could kiss me, but still kept my eyes on the screen and my hand on the mouse, clicking the refresh button once again. He straightened up after just a moment. “Hey.”

That was his look-at-me tone, not stern in any way but with a faint undercurrent of authority. I transferred my gaze to him immediately.

Continue reading “Give Me the News”

Too Close for Comfort

Note: This takes place three months into the discipline relationship and nine months after they’ve started dating.

Quint realized he had just read the same paragraph three times and still had no idea what it said. Giving up, he put the book down and looked at the clock again. The minute hand had only advanced two dots from the last time he’d looked at it, and now informed him that his partner was officially twenty minutes late for curfew.

Continue reading “Too Close for Comfort”

Watch Your Step

“Excuse me! Excuse me! Sorry, coming through!”

I skidded around the corner and weaved through the other students in the crowded hallway. I bumped more than a few with my bag in passing, but I didn’t have time to do more than gasp a breathless “Sorry!” as I dashed past. The clock on the wall was showing that I had two minutes to make it to my class, but I was on the home stretch now. Just across the third-floor bridge between the West Building and East Building of Hunter College and around one more corner, and I was there. I eyed the bridge, trying to see a way through the students. At this time of day, it was predictably packed, but that had never stopped me before. I took one last deep breath as I stood on the threshold, then ran for it.

Continue reading “Watch Your Step”

“Biology” is Another Word for Hell

One of my favorite musicals, Spring Awakening, has a song in it called Totally Fucked. The opening lines have always struck a chord with me.

There’s a moment you know
you’re fucked
Not an inch more room
to self-destruct

I’m telling you this because I had one of those moments today.

Continue reading ““Biology” is Another Word for Hell”

Matinee

In my defense, I hadn’t slept much the night before. I get days every once in a while when I just can’t fall asleep, and I’m always in a bad mood the next day if I miss more than two hours. Usually when I’m like that, Quint will just tell me to go take a nap. This time he decided it would be better if we went to a movie.

So you see, really, it’s all his fault. If he’d just been a proper Top and ordered his cranky Brat to bed, none of it would have happened. I’m not saying I wouldn’t have put up a fight about the nap. I’ll fight about the sky being blue, when I get into that mood, but it probably wouldn’t have turned out as bad as it did.

But maybe I should start from the beginning. Zeggy’s always telling me I start stories in the middle and confuse the hell out of her.

Continue reading “Matinee”

Curb The Attitude

Don’t get me wrong. I love Quint. When I contemplate being without him (which I don’t do very often), my chest gets really tight and I tend to get clingy with him for a few hours until the feeling goes away. Everything in my life has gotten immeasurably better since he came along.

But sometimes, he is really fuckin’ annoying.

Continue reading “Curb The Attitude”